He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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