I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
