guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
