I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
