my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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