He is an equal opportunity slut.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize