You just made me feel so damn special
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
