I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
