either way he was missing a nipple.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
