ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
