How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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