so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
