and you said cock pushups were impossible
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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