Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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