its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
