SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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