These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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