Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize