do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think people are normalizing furries
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
