They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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