i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
