Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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