Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Duck Duck Cougar?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
