If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
