im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
