Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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