He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
