goodnight i made you a song goodbye
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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