there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
