I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
