I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
