I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
