Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Success! We fucked roommates!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
