This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
