"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize