I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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