Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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