My pussy is not your playground.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize