this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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