got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
