Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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