New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
do nipples grow back?
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