I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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