thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
