i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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