I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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