Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
