i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
