so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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