You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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