Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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