i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
