i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
