p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
