Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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