Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
