i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
