Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
