Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
