i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
