He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
