WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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