We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
