Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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