I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
